I found poems I stashed away that are actually quite good. ooh:

"friendly fire" - march 17th, 2003
It's 4am and this attic's cold,
a box of pictures lay scattered and
I've cut the faces out,
they're staring back at me.
There's blood on the walls and
blood on the carpet and
I'm sitting in the middle of it all,
with your face in my hands.
"It's just a friendly fire", you said
but youre bleeding out on my
sunday dress.
that open window looks inviting,
I'd do just about anything to
avoid this moment
but I wont do you
in.


Feb 23rd, 2003 -- The Pianist.
I never took the time
to learn the words
to any of the songs in the book on the piano
but they'd always play for me.
I remember listening to the ivory.
Trying hard to find a flaw in their perfection,
as it always found the flaws in me.


Feb 24th, 2003 -- Angelica
She laughed a vicious laugh
as she lifted her feet and floated
above the kitchen floor that seemed to move in waves.
she smiled as she dove
and surfaced.
eyes gleaming
heart beating
tears streaming from laughter
she grabbed for the nearest object
letting it go, she let out one cry
and all time seemed to stop.

it's two thirty, worse than nights before.
I stay up at night longer, my woken hours are shorter
in this disgusting stupor I lay awake and stare at these four walls
wishing I was someone,
somewhere
else.
I'm so tired of being here.

---------------------------------------------
and when I leaned over to kiss you, I knew at that moment
that everything we ever had was bound to change
because I was about to do something stupid in my mind
that could ruin everything, once again.

--------------------------------------------
my lips have never been so soft, as they were when they touched your skin.
and though I adored every moment of it, I hated it equally so.
never fix what wasnt broken,
and never break what choses not to bend.
-----------------------------------------------------

im not cold, but I'm bundled up in far too many sweaters
theres this cold and eeriy itching on the insides of my skin;
an anger is rotting in the pit of my stomach, twisting and churning
churning and twisting
and aching it's way through my entire nervus system.
something is broken in me.

------------------------------
hours have gone by since I last saw your face
merely hours. hardly that.
and yet, I can't erase the pain from my mind that I saw in your eyes
and I cant erase it from your eyes.
my fingers are numb as they stumble these keys
and I can only picture you laying in bed.
possibly daydreaming as I know you aren't asleep.
staring at the ceiling, or the inside of your eyes
and everything that comes to mind threatens to make you cry
and nothing I can say will ever take those tears away.
I love you an I'm not afraid.
--------------------------------------
I wish I had a reason to kiss you, you know.
instead of making up lousy excuses, and trying to blindside you
each and every time.
it's not working, it's clear to see
at least to me
as you haven't said a word.
---------------------------------------
"i think we're too good friends to do anything else"
sadly this is true, and in my heart of hearts i know it.
but, I don't want to admit it.
somehow, in the pain and confusion of it all
I've fallen in love with you yet again
and the real, romantic like love
that you hear tell about in movies
and depressing songs,
not the love we shared before- that mutual thing between best friends
big brother and little sis.
and its disgusting but true,
just how much I want to act on instint and excuse
and just how much it'd ruin anything between us- if we ever did.
--------------------------------
fallen stars, i watch them bleed
they ooze onto the faded carpet
and puncture little cut outs on the scenery
they are, but stains from a memory
and nothing more
or less.
or more or less they are.
but glittery shards of empty hope.
and repressed pain;
dancing before my eyes
with glowing sparks they seize my skin
and tear below it's thickend flesh;
and though I know not how it feels;
I know it tastes like sex.
---------------------------------
we've made it to three am, and I've nothing more to do than sit here and scribble and doodle and draw, and maybe, just maybe, come up with something worth writing or sharing. and in this empty mind of mine, there's nothing but rambles pouring from the depths. and I keep on typing and typing and words keep flowing and flowing, but none of it ever makes sense unless you're sober, or perhaps just high. I guess I found a reason to forget the world and just ramble in useless and senseless sentances again and again I type the same thing in hopes that I'll be something else. but, isn't that the definition of insanity. I guess we'll just wait and see. A couple more days, and a stronger does of Seritonin Reuptake Inhibitors, and your pitch black world is just another blurr.
---------------------------------------------------------
i want to sleep but my eyes beads
I feel the need, to just breathe
but I choke on everything I need.
-------------------------------------------------
thus concludes this final chapter, of another lonley night
and if I ever find a way to trade the lonely, I'll give you a call
but, for now, I'll just settle for the reason

here it is at two A-M.
another night of sitting on my heels
with candle light at my finger tips
and resting. so idle.
things feel so different now,
the air has a different texture and so does my skin.
evern your voice has a different ring,
as you bury those promises,
loves notes,
and sweetest moments under your bed
and away from the new year.
I've still got you kiss burning on my cheek,
and your flesh tingling upon my lips
and i'm worried
that all the salt on your wounds could never come clean
or that there's a thousand more tears,
for every two that I try and whipe away.
and while you're drowning in this ocean,
I'll sail across the seas,
because when the flood is getting too bad-
I'll do everything in my power
to help you build an ark.